Oh to have a "normal" day. To get up, send my family off happily to their appointed tasks for the day, come home have dinner together, play, go to bed and wake up and do it all over again. Mundane has never looked so good.
What a roller coaster this past week and month have been. The hubby had the bronchoscopy on Wednesday - went beautifully. Now we wait. Doc is hopeful that is nothing more than inflammation, but the test results could still come back inconclusive, thereby indicating more tests. So Friday afternoon I leave the house to go with our daughter to a youth event called Acquire the Fire (a Ron Luce ministry). I call my hubby to see if he has successfully gotten to his dinner. No he hasn't yet- doc has called. Tests were inconclusive. He needs a needle biopsy. My heart sank. There I was in a van full of young girls (our daughter one of them) laughing and giggling as we headed to weekend of fun...for them. I was sick. I wanted to throw up right on the spot. But I couldn't. I could not let on to my precious daughter that there MIGHT be a problem with Daddy. How could I? So I sucked it all in, called a very close friend and shared with her - I had to talk to someone. And motored on.
Now, let me clarify - these results are not necessarily bad. That are what they are - inconclusive. There are a few more tests still out there that could come back with the results that we are looking for. It may be that the sample was too small and a needle biopsy will get a better sample. It may just be that I am Chicken Little and I immediately see that sky falling. But that is who I am.
So I go to this event with the intent of having some good quality mother/daughter time. You can never have too much of that. And with my daughter bordering on being a teenager, I don't want to let anything slip through the cracks. She is an awesome kid and an even better daughter. But I have so many folks try to squelch that with, "Just wait until they are _____ (fill in what ever age you see fit)." She is truly a great kid and a wonderful Christian young lady. I am so proud to be her mom. Immediately I recognize that Satan is trying to take that away. This was my weekend with her! She invited me to go with her. She WANTED to spend it with me! And I was letting a might be/could be/ but not definitely situation rob me of it. I wanted to see my husband. I wanted to hug him and hold him and have him tell me everything would be alright. That was the center of my thinking all that evening. And so Satan won my Friday night. I knew it. It broke my heart. I got home, fell into Steve's arms, cried and went to bed. What happened to this being the best 2 years of our lives? (That's what they tell you when you take squadron command).
Saturday was a fresh new day. It came early. We had to be at the church by 7 am. But some how, something was different. I was able to focus. I was able to hear God a little better. Oh, don't get me wrong. Satan still made his presence very clear. But God was clearer. And He was never more clear than when my beautiful daughter and I were finishing up dinner at Whataburger. We were gathering our things and she turned and said, "Thank you." I, of course, responded and she said," Not for the event, or then tote bag or the dinner and ice cream, but for being my mom." I was speechless. God Wins!!!! Big time!!! That was what the weekend was all about.
Now, it's Monday. And I am praying the Message version on Jeremiah 29:11: "I know what I am doing. I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." So, is that why Steve fell off the roof 2 months ago? So that we could find the spot? Is that why we got an assignment to San Antonio because they have such a large military medical facility that can handle practically anything? And when you are active duty, you don't have to wait around on paper work? God knows what he is doing. And he is going to take of us. He is not going to abandon us.
Steve got a call to come in at 2 so they can discuss the needle biopsy procedure. I think I need to be there with him - even though he said I didn't.
Peace to all who read...
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Oh my. Oh my. You have everything exactly right, but the stress and pressure remain. Just because you 'get it' about Satan certainly doesn't mean he takes off and leaves you alone.
ReplyDeleteAnd as for your daughter? I dreaded losing my oldest nephew to adolescence. This was the one who held my hand and hugged me no matter who was around. We would sit in the movie theater and I would feel his little hand reach out for me, not out of fear or anything, just a desire to connect with me.
He's a freshman in college now. I never lost him. He has always retained that sense of affection for me ... for his family (maybe not always his siblings), even for my husband.
She doesn't have to become a terrible adolescent. She might just prove them all wrong and retain the loving spirit you see now. I'm so glad you have her! (and everyone else)