Whew... I guess I can start blogging again. Not that I don't want anyone reading...if that were the case, I would just journal. But then you have the problem that you might be even more personal and graphic or too open about stuff in a private hand written journal and THEN you are killed in a tragic farming accident and THEN someone finds your journal hoping to find some wonderful insights for your eulogy. Well, then you open a whole new can of worms that you can't close because your dead. So I guess I will blog with the mindset of this: Those who mind what I write don't matter and those who matter don't mind what I write.
May I honor God in all that I say and do (and write). And that starts from my heart and my head. And as long as those two are in sync and trying to align with God's will, I should be okay! :-)
Since we last "chatted," so much has happened: Steve passed his 6 month post cancer check up with flying colors, Steve applied for and got accepted to be a College ROTC Commander (In Nebraska, no less), we became the parents of a teenager, we took the kids on a trip of a lifetime to Walt Disney World with some wonderful friends, celebrated the birth of our Savior, started a new year and Steve passed his 9/10 month post cancer check up, again, with flying colors. Now it's February and time seems to be flying at record speed. In just a few months we will be saying good-bye to the 331st TRS and an awesome command tour. And then heading to yet another command tour (kind of a rarity in Steve's career field) and thinking of settling down.
I have been wishing away my time and it has become oh so apparent in the last several weeks, thinking that each new wish/step would make things easier - I could relax. I started last fall by wishing to find out if Steve made ROTC command, he did. Then I wished to find out where we would be going and hoping it was to NE, we did and we are. Then I started house hunting on-line and wishing we could find a house, we go next month. And now, I keep telling myself, "If only the closing was behind us and the boxes were unpacked." God has been very active in all this...not by granting me my wishes like a fairy Godmother, but by showing me what I have been or will be missing if I don't live in the present. And I have missed a lot and yet I am not relaxed one bit. In fact, I think I am more spun up than usual! If worrying were a work out regimen, I would have to eat more to keep my weight up.
I guess I should start by getting my priorities in order. Okay - the beauty of a blog (or a journal) is that I can sit here for a minute, 10 minutes or 10 hours before I put the next thought on paper/screen. Unless I told you, you would never know. Well, now you know. Cuz that's what I am doing now. I am sitting here trying to figure out what I am REALLY supposed to be doing. What is my job/priorities and what are God's? And is it okay for me to be thinking of what God is or is supposed to be doing. Does that make sense? At what point am I no longer just sitting and taking all of God in? When is it okay to get up and do? God has a house out there for us, but at what point to make the effort to find it? He has the ability to drop it in our laps, but will He? Should I wait for that? At what point am I supposed to use the resources given me?
I guess if I get in the Word more, I might have those answers. Since I am not currently in a Beth Moore study, I find that I fall away from scripture... not cool. But I am thankful for the Andy Stanley series that we just finished in SS, I am thankful for Andy's downloadable sermons, I thankful for the new Galatians study we are doing, I am thankful for Pastor Craig's downloadable sermons and his bible challenges (reading about the 7 deadly sins) - all things that are pulling me back to the Word. And I am very thankful for my Thursday & Friday morning drives to the base. God & I have some wonderful conversations! Am also thankful for my bluetooth (it keeps me from looking like a babbling idiot behind the wheel of the car).
Well, I guess I need to go downstairs and read day 3 about envy. I really need that now.
Peace (and contentment) to all who read...
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Just checking to see if you came back after my "political rant" yesterday...
...well, I guess you did.
Sorry about that yesterday. But it is amazing how your spirit can be dragged down by your environment. There are so many political polls on Facebook that are being filled out and posted. And almost everyone of these polls has an easy "yes/no" answer and a very mean spirited "yes/no" answer. And almost everyone I know has been picking the mean spirited one. I have yet to register my vote on any of them. I have definite opinions... but as a very wise friend of mine just recently said, " I would rather have relationships than be right." Not saying I'm right...just saying that the relationship is more important. Another very wise person (a dear young family member of mine) once said several years, in the middle of some tension among the cousins,"Can't we all just get along???" Out of the mouth of babes... to be that wise at that young of an age.
Last week I started a new Beth Moore study - Daniel. Whoa. This is going to be an amazing ride. You know it's a great study when you have to make yourself stop when doing the homework. I just devour her homework. Except during the Esther study... but my inconsistency in doing the work during that study I think was divinely lead. I needed certain words at certain times. And had I kept on schedule, I would not have heard those words when I most needed them.
Am feeling a little down right now. Not sure why. Maybe because I miss my husband and his schedule keeps him busier than I would like. Maybe because I miss my family in GA (and the surrounding areas). So much going on with them and I wish I was closer. Maybe because I miss my NE family and wonder if God has plans for us back there. Maybe because I am trying to tackle a fear that has consumed me most of my life, but is worse now than ever. So for that I continue to pray Psalm 34:4. I am afraid that the Lord will have me face it rather than remove it. Kinda like praying for patience... :-) So the words of a very old Amy Grant song come to mind. And in them I find comfort...
When all goodbyes
Are said and done,
And nighttime finds you home,
Are you all right
To spend a night
Of being all alone?
And do you hide
Between the lines
Of conversations past?
A wall of words,
A heart unheard,
That hides behind a mask?
I'm raining on the inside;
My heart wells up with tears that start to pour.
I'm raining on the inside,
But then Your cries of love break through,
And I fall in love with You once more.
When friends who care
Can't be there
To ease away my pain,
And peace of mind,
It's hard to find,
Like sunlight in the rain.
God sees my heart,
The deepest part,
Inside this lonely me,
And reachin' in,
His love begins
To heal the heart in me.
I'm raining on the inside;
Oh, my heart wells up with tears that start to pour.
I'm raining on the inside,
But then Your cries of love break through,
And I fall in love with You once more.
Sometimes we're raining on the inside,
And our hearts well up with tears that start to pour.
But when we're raining on the inside,
Let His cries of love break through,
Know that He loves you, once more....
Sometimes I'm raining on the inside,
But then Your cries of love break through,
And I fall in love with You once more.
Peace to all who read...
Sorry about that yesterday. But it is amazing how your spirit can be dragged down by your environment. There are so many political polls on Facebook that are being filled out and posted. And almost everyone of these polls has an easy "yes/no" answer and a very mean spirited "yes/no" answer. And almost everyone I know has been picking the mean spirited one. I have yet to register my vote on any of them. I have definite opinions... but as a very wise friend of mine just recently said, " I would rather have relationships than be right." Not saying I'm right...just saying that the relationship is more important. Another very wise person (a dear young family member of mine) once said several years, in the middle of some tension among the cousins,"Can't we all just get along???" Out of the mouth of babes... to be that wise at that young of an age.
Last week I started a new Beth Moore study - Daniel. Whoa. This is going to be an amazing ride. You know it's a great study when you have to make yourself stop when doing the homework. I just devour her homework. Except during the Esther study... but my inconsistency in doing the work during that study I think was divinely lead. I needed certain words at certain times. And had I kept on schedule, I would not have heard those words when I most needed them.
Am feeling a little down right now. Not sure why. Maybe because I miss my husband and his schedule keeps him busier than I would like. Maybe because I miss my family in GA (and the surrounding areas). So much going on with them and I wish I was closer. Maybe because I miss my NE family and wonder if God has plans for us back there. Maybe because I am trying to tackle a fear that has consumed me most of my life, but is worse now than ever. So for that I continue to pray Psalm 34:4. I am afraid that the Lord will have me face it rather than remove it. Kinda like praying for patience... :-) So the words of a very old Amy Grant song come to mind. And in them I find comfort...
When all goodbyes
Are said and done,
And nighttime finds you home,
Are you all right
To spend a night
Of being all alone?
And do you hide
Between the lines
Of conversations past?
A wall of words,
A heart unheard,
That hides behind a mask?
I'm raining on the inside;
My heart wells up with tears that start to pour.
I'm raining on the inside,
But then Your cries of love break through,
And I fall in love with You once more.
When friends who care
Can't be there
To ease away my pain,
And peace of mind,
It's hard to find,
Like sunlight in the rain.
God sees my heart,
The deepest part,
Inside this lonely me,
And reachin' in,
His love begins
To heal the heart in me.
I'm raining on the inside;
Oh, my heart wells up with tears that start to pour.
I'm raining on the inside,
But then Your cries of love break through,
And I fall in love with You once more.
Sometimes we're raining on the inside,
And our hearts well up with tears that start to pour.
But when we're raining on the inside,
Let His cries of love break through,
Know that He loves you, once more....
Sometimes I'm raining on the inside,
But then Your cries of love break through,
And I fall in love with You once more.
Peace to all who read...
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
You know it's time to blog when....
...you find that you are talking out loud to...NOBODY and you agree with everything you say! :-)
Yes, it has been a couple of weeks. I felt sure that the minute the kiddos were out the door, I would be up here on the computer waxing poetic... :-) It has not been for a lack of stuff to write/talk about. I guess I am having trouble digesting some of what is going on around me.
Okay, I will go ahead and address something that has really had me sick to my stomach lately. I feel this is a safe place to "vent" per se. I am so saddened by all the ugliness that is being spewed from both sides of the political aisle... In fact, I did a "first" on Saturday because of it. I "de-friended" someone on Facebook. A guy I went to school with years ago (who is a former local pastor in the Methodist church - the reason he is a former is because he is now an atheist) wrote a very hurtful paragraph about those who may oppose the president's speech to school children. He called anyone who disagreed with him either crazy or racist. Wow. I spent most of my morning tying to figure out how I felt about that. At the time, the jury was still out for me on how I felt about my kids seeing it in school (little did I know that my school district would not be showing it). Not because I was afraid of what he might say. Far from it. President Obama has an incredible story to tell of being able to be anything you want to be if you stay in school and work hard. We have printed a copy of his speech and plan to record it today to show the children at a later time (our schedules don't have us all at home for a reasonable amount of time until at least Thursday). My concern comes from commentary that could "happen" after his speech, from the school leadership (i.e. teachers, principal). I don't want my child to be a witness to Obama bashing by a teacher that disagrees with his policies. I also don't want my child to have to be required to listen to the president being raised to messiah status. That's how I feel. Race or lunacy has nothing to do with it. When I wrote to this "friend" concerning his post (another friend of his vehemently disagreed with him as well), I told him that his blanket assessment of anyone who questioned the setting for the speech, was vicious. And that I could not understand how ANYONE on either side of this political issue can stoop to such a level. Well, after a little while, he posted that he MAY have been a little quick to use the word racist... Is that where we are headed? Say whatever comes out of your mouth with out thinking? Hurt whom ever you want in the name of free speech and political freedom? All of it turns my stomach! Unless you are Jesus, don't go into the temple and start tearing the place a part. It breaks my heart to see folks yelling and screaming at their Congressman at Town hall meetings. This is not what God intended for us to do. This is not how He expects us to act. We are to respect those that are put into authority over us. I cling to 1st Peter 2 right now. Maybe I am taking it out of context...maybe I don't really understand the meaning behind it, but I know what it says to me right now. It says that I am supposed to respect the government and revere God. Nuf' said.
Glad I got that off my chest. It has really been weighing me down.
God and I have been talking a lot lately. I know that if you ask God for patience He will give you opportunities to practice it. My prayer as of late, is to settle down. To quit moving. To buy a house, plant flowers and paint walls. To keep the same neighbors. To have our kids develop local relationships with kids. We are about 9-10 months out from our next move. It's at this time that I begin to get into "move mode." That means I starting getting rid of stuff that I don't want to move. It has always served me well. But I hate looking at some of my stuff and wondering, "Gee...will I have room in the next house for this?" Sadly, it seems my focus is on material things. I have great stuff. I love my stuff. A song on Christian radio says this," Have what you want, but want what you have." And I do. I know this is all very trivial and shallow. But I love entertaining others in my home. So I have stuff to do that. And I love setting a beautiful table for my family - I want them to realize that our mealtime is special. I know, I know...you can entertain with cots, sleeping bags and paper plates and plastic cups. But don't you enjoy "nice" things occasionally? Why does one go to a fancy restaurant? To be pampered. And I love providing that in my home. Is God trying to teach me to be hospitable in a more laid back way? Is He taking this opportunity to point out my Martha mentality? For those who know me, they now I LOVE to read. Right now, my heart is with a Guide Post Series called Grace Chapel Inn. It's kinda like the Mitford series, for those familiar with that. It is about three sisters that now live together after the death of their father. And they reside in the family home - a large Victorian home that has now been converted into a bed and breakfast. Why am I so wrapped up in this series??? Because they are in their home. They have their father's library and his desk (he was a preacher until the day he died at age 92). They serve food off of their mother's china and crystal. There is history there. Yes, I know...it's fiction. But I know so many folks that have the pencil markings in the laundry room that show how the kids have grown. I know plenty of folks that have trees and flowers that they saw from seeds and saplings. I want that. I have tried to reconcile some of this with God by saying, "I don't want a BIG house, just my house, for my family." I guess I feel like if I qualify it for Him that will make it all right. I want God's will for our lives. And I really hope His includes a home back in Omaha very soon... :-) Funny thing this praying for God's will... as much as I want my way, and as much as it will hurt initially if His will and my will don't match up, I love this feeling I have inside. As homesick as I get every time I chat or e-mail or facebook with those back in Omaha... then to pray to Him asking for His will and knowing that it may not include Omaha... I feel Him at work. And that is good. Very good.
So we sit and wait. Tomorrow is the day that the master ROTC list is decided, after that they begin matching up commanders with schools. Don't know if we will find out if we made the first cut initially or not. But I continue to pray... In that I cannot go wrong. In prayer, I am not the new person anymore...they know me there!
Peace (and comfort) to all who read...
Yes, it has been a couple of weeks. I felt sure that the minute the kiddos were out the door, I would be up here on the computer waxing poetic... :-) It has not been for a lack of stuff to write/talk about. I guess I am having trouble digesting some of what is going on around me.
Okay, I will go ahead and address something that has really had me sick to my stomach lately. I feel this is a safe place to "vent" per se. I am so saddened by all the ugliness that is being spewed from both sides of the political aisle... In fact, I did a "first" on Saturday because of it. I "de-friended" someone on Facebook. A guy I went to school with years ago (who is a former local pastor in the Methodist church - the reason he is a former is because he is now an atheist) wrote a very hurtful paragraph about those who may oppose the president's speech to school children. He called anyone who disagreed with him either crazy or racist. Wow. I spent most of my morning tying to figure out how I felt about that. At the time, the jury was still out for me on how I felt about my kids seeing it in school (little did I know that my school district would not be showing it). Not because I was afraid of what he might say. Far from it. President Obama has an incredible story to tell of being able to be anything you want to be if you stay in school and work hard. We have printed a copy of his speech and plan to record it today to show the children at a later time (our schedules don't have us all at home for a reasonable amount of time until at least Thursday). My concern comes from commentary that could "happen" after his speech, from the school leadership (i.e. teachers, principal). I don't want my child to be a witness to Obama bashing by a teacher that disagrees with his policies. I also don't want my child to have to be required to listen to the president being raised to messiah status. That's how I feel. Race or lunacy has nothing to do with it. When I wrote to this "friend" concerning his post (another friend of his vehemently disagreed with him as well), I told him that his blanket assessment of anyone who questioned the setting for the speech, was vicious. And that I could not understand how ANYONE on either side of this political issue can stoop to such a level. Well, after a little while, he posted that he MAY have been a little quick to use the word racist... Is that where we are headed? Say whatever comes out of your mouth with out thinking? Hurt whom ever you want in the name of free speech and political freedom? All of it turns my stomach! Unless you are Jesus, don't go into the temple and start tearing the place a part. It breaks my heart to see folks yelling and screaming at their Congressman at Town hall meetings. This is not what God intended for us to do. This is not how He expects us to act. We are to respect those that are put into authority over us. I cling to 1st Peter 2 right now. Maybe I am taking it out of context...maybe I don't really understand the meaning behind it, but I know what it says to me right now. It says that I am supposed to respect the government and revere God. Nuf' said.
Glad I got that off my chest. It has really been weighing me down.
God and I have been talking a lot lately. I know that if you ask God for patience He will give you opportunities to practice it. My prayer as of late, is to settle down. To quit moving. To buy a house, plant flowers and paint walls. To keep the same neighbors. To have our kids develop local relationships with kids. We are about 9-10 months out from our next move. It's at this time that I begin to get into "move mode." That means I starting getting rid of stuff that I don't want to move. It has always served me well. But I hate looking at some of my stuff and wondering, "Gee...will I have room in the next house for this?" Sadly, it seems my focus is on material things. I have great stuff. I love my stuff. A song on Christian radio says this," Have what you want, but want what you have." And I do. I know this is all very trivial and shallow. But I love entertaining others in my home. So I have stuff to do that. And I love setting a beautiful table for my family - I want them to realize that our mealtime is special. I know, I know...you can entertain with cots, sleeping bags and paper plates and plastic cups. But don't you enjoy "nice" things occasionally? Why does one go to a fancy restaurant? To be pampered. And I love providing that in my home. Is God trying to teach me to be hospitable in a more laid back way? Is He taking this opportunity to point out my Martha mentality? For those who know me, they now I LOVE to read. Right now, my heart is with a Guide Post Series called Grace Chapel Inn. It's kinda like the Mitford series, for those familiar with that. It is about three sisters that now live together after the death of their father. And they reside in the family home - a large Victorian home that has now been converted into a bed and breakfast. Why am I so wrapped up in this series??? Because they are in their home. They have their father's library and his desk (he was a preacher until the day he died at age 92). They serve food off of their mother's china and crystal. There is history there. Yes, I know...it's fiction. But I know so many folks that have the pencil markings in the laundry room that show how the kids have grown. I know plenty of folks that have trees and flowers that they saw from seeds and saplings. I want that. I have tried to reconcile some of this with God by saying, "I don't want a BIG house, just my house, for my family." I guess I feel like if I qualify it for Him that will make it all right. I want God's will for our lives. And I really hope His includes a home back in Omaha very soon... :-) Funny thing this praying for God's will... as much as I want my way, and as much as it will hurt initially if His will and my will don't match up, I love this feeling I have inside. As homesick as I get every time I chat or e-mail or facebook with those back in Omaha... then to pray to Him asking for His will and knowing that it may not include Omaha... I feel Him at work. And that is good. Very good.
So we sit and wait. Tomorrow is the day that the master ROTC list is decided, after that they begin matching up commanders with schools. Don't know if we will find out if we made the first cut initially or not. But I continue to pray... In that I cannot go wrong. In prayer, I am not the new person anymore...they know me there!
Peace (and comfort) to all who read...
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Well, we presented our case...
...and we will see if it is in line with the Lord's Will.
On Thursday, Steve got in his car and drove across town to Randolph AFB and turned in his ROTC package. The "campaigning" is now over. Unless someone farther up the process gets involved. I have prayed about this for weeks now. We discussed our top 5 schools (have to rank them in your package) and we were pretty together on them. The final choice was: 1. UN Lincoln, 2. Auburn, 3. VSU, 4. UK Lexington & 5. Samford Univ. Our first choice was purely selfish: Love the Nebraska and want to get back there how ever we can. The next 4 choices were all "close to family." We could hear something as soon as Halloween or as late at March! The big schools go fast...it's the smaller schools that become harder to fill. Not sure what we will do if he is offered a school that was not on our list and not in an area where we want to go.
Then on Friday, AFTER he turned in his ROTC package, Steve's old boss from USSTRATCOM called and left him a message. He was wondering what Steve's "plans" were for next summer.. ugh!!!! So the prayers continue 10 fold! We want to be where the Lord wants us! Really! But the thought of going back to Omaha... I smile just thinking about it. Our friends, our church, my ladies Bible studies, the snow and the Huskers! We were in a similar situation several years ago. Steve got a call while at ACSC to be a DO. Cool! Awesome! Just what he wanted... but this job was a remote to Thule AB, Greenland. Not we had planned. And then he gets another call from the same guy telling us that another guy is also being considered for this job, so if it falls through for Steve, they have a deputy job back at Peterson AFB they will offer him. Gee...let me think about this... hmmm...a remote to Thule Greenland for a year or going back to Peterson AFB (WHERE I WANTED TO BE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!)???? I cried and cried over this. But I finally, through the tears, realized that to be anywhere that was NOT God's plan was wrong. And to go back to Colorado when it was not in His will would make for a rough assignment. So, I told Steve that I would go (or stay as luck would have it) where the Lord wanted us. And so he went to Thule Greenland for a year, without us.
Again, I feel like we are at that same crossroad. ROTC would be really cool - if it's where we want to be (read: location). But a possible sure thing back to Omaha, whether or not it would be good for his career, makes me long for my NE "home." I don't necessarily feel like this is God testing me, but I think He would like to see my heart in the right place on this. What is motivating us? What is truly important right now? Is is Steve's career? Is it the thought of fullfilling a dream that Steve has always had? Are we trying to put our kids first and look at finally giving them so roots? Ultimately it has to be about pleasing God in all we say and do.
So now we pray for clarity. And wisdom. And selflessness. And wholeness. His ways are higher and grander than any thing we can ever imagine. And we must remember that in ALL things. It was not too long ago (January of 2008) that we felt coming to Lackland was a consulation prize, a "thanks for playing." Little did we know it was the grand prize! I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.
Peace (and clarity) to all who read...
On Thursday, Steve got in his car and drove across town to Randolph AFB and turned in his ROTC package. The "campaigning" is now over. Unless someone farther up the process gets involved. I have prayed about this for weeks now. We discussed our top 5 schools (have to rank them in your package) and we were pretty together on them. The final choice was: 1. UN Lincoln, 2. Auburn, 3. VSU, 4. UK Lexington & 5. Samford Univ. Our first choice was purely selfish: Love the Nebraska and want to get back there how ever we can. The next 4 choices were all "close to family." We could hear something as soon as Halloween or as late at March! The big schools go fast...it's the smaller schools that become harder to fill. Not sure what we will do if he is offered a school that was not on our list and not in an area where we want to go.
Then on Friday, AFTER he turned in his ROTC package, Steve's old boss from USSTRATCOM called and left him a message. He was wondering what Steve's "plans" were for next summer.. ugh!!!! So the prayers continue 10 fold! We want to be where the Lord wants us! Really! But the thought of going back to Omaha... I smile just thinking about it. Our friends, our church, my ladies Bible studies, the snow and the Huskers! We were in a similar situation several years ago. Steve got a call while at ACSC to be a DO. Cool! Awesome! Just what he wanted... but this job was a remote to Thule AB, Greenland. Not we had planned. And then he gets another call from the same guy telling us that another guy is also being considered for this job, so if it falls through for Steve, they have a deputy job back at Peterson AFB they will offer him. Gee...let me think about this... hmmm...a remote to Thule Greenland for a year or going back to Peterson AFB (WHERE I WANTED TO BE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!)???? I cried and cried over this. But I finally, through the tears, realized that to be anywhere that was NOT God's plan was wrong. And to go back to Colorado when it was not in His will would make for a rough assignment. So, I told Steve that I would go (or stay as luck would have it) where the Lord wanted us. And so he went to Thule Greenland for a year, without us.
Again, I feel like we are at that same crossroad. ROTC would be really cool - if it's where we want to be (read: location). But a possible sure thing back to Omaha, whether or not it would be good for his career, makes me long for my NE "home." I don't necessarily feel like this is God testing me, but I think He would like to see my heart in the right place on this. What is motivating us? What is truly important right now? Is is Steve's career? Is it the thought of fullfilling a dream that Steve has always had? Are we trying to put our kids first and look at finally giving them so roots? Ultimately it has to be about pleasing God in all we say and do.
So now we pray for clarity. And wisdom. And selflessness. And wholeness. His ways are higher and grander than any thing we can ever imagine. And we must remember that in ALL things. It was not too long ago (January of 2008) that we felt coming to Lackland was a consulation prize, a "thanks for playing." Little did we know it was the grand prize! I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.
Peace (and clarity) to all who read...
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Some real enlightenment - for me, anyway...
Many times I have wanted to post to my Facebook: Lonnie Orphan Gibson wishes things were different. For a variety of things, really. Not just for the better, just different. And then God shows up and shows me "different." And then I again become grateful for what I have and not for I wish I had.
We experienced that today. I/we have battled with decisions on how to treat our son's ADHD - Do we medicate him more? Do we medicate him less? Medicate him at all? Allow the school to "classify" him as such, thereby giving him some special help... Today I saw a family that is dealing with more than any 10 families together should ever have to deal with. God showed us what "different" looked like through the eyes of another parent. When we got home today, both Steve & I were speechless. How could we ever deal with all the pain and challenges this family has to deal with? And there is more to the challanges than just the child. This family is swallowed up in medical and "other" struggles. But I did not see this as God saying "See how bad you could have it???" Because I don't think God deals with us in those terms. I think He said to me,"Lonnie, this is what different could be."
Back when Steve was sick, I wanted it to be different. But if it had been different, I might have missed my "slow dance" with God. You know the one... where the spot light is on you. You are the only two out there on the dance floor and He holds you close like you were the only person in the world. He leads and you are swept off your feet...you feel like your floating. Gee, when you put it like that, who in their right mind would pass that up??? "Uh, no thanks, God. I need to go to Wal-mart." But God did not ask me if I wanted my husband to have cancer...He asked me if I wanted to dance. And we did.
As I look at the news and watch all that is happening, I wish things were different. I hate all the political ugliness. It comes from both sides. No one is immune to it. Democrat, Republican, white, black, old, young, men , women. But because of all this ugliness, I firmly believe that more people are on their knees for America than ever before. Why does it always take a crisis??? This week the Lord spoke to me about this in 1 Peter 2: 13-17: Make the Master proud of you by being good citizens. Respect the authorities, whatever their level; they are God's emissaries for keeping order. It is God's will that by doing good, you might cure the ignorance of the fools who think you're a danger to society. Exercise your freedom by serving God, not by breaking the rules. Treat everyone you meet with dignity. Love your spiritual family. Revere God. Respect the government. Who says the Bible isn't relevent??? Or timely??
Peace (& slow dancing) to all who read...
We experienced that today. I/we have battled with decisions on how to treat our son's ADHD - Do we medicate him more? Do we medicate him less? Medicate him at all? Allow the school to "classify" him as such, thereby giving him some special help... Today I saw a family that is dealing with more than any 10 families together should ever have to deal with. God showed us what "different" looked like through the eyes of another parent. When we got home today, both Steve & I were speechless. How could we ever deal with all the pain and challenges this family has to deal with? And there is more to the challanges than just the child. This family is swallowed up in medical and "other" struggles. But I did not see this as God saying "See how bad you could have it???" Because I don't think God deals with us in those terms. I think He said to me,"Lonnie, this is what different could be."
Back when Steve was sick, I wanted it to be different. But if it had been different, I might have missed my "slow dance" with God. You know the one... where the spot light is on you. You are the only two out there on the dance floor and He holds you close like you were the only person in the world. He leads and you are swept off your feet...you feel like your floating. Gee, when you put it like that, who in their right mind would pass that up??? "Uh, no thanks, God. I need to go to Wal-mart." But God did not ask me if I wanted my husband to have cancer...He asked me if I wanted to dance. And we did.
As I look at the news and watch all that is happening, I wish things were different. I hate all the political ugliness. It comes from both sides. No one is immune to it. Democrat, Republican, white, black, old, young, men , women. But because of all this ugliness, I firmly believe that more people are on their knees for America than ever before. Why does it always take a crisis??? This week the Lord spoke to me about this in 1 Peter 2: 13-17: Make the Master proud of you by being good citizens. Respect the authorities, whatever their level; they are God's emissaries for keeping order. It is God's will that by doing good, you might cure the ignorance of the fools who think you're a danger to society. Exercise your freedom by serving God, not by breaking the rules. Treat everyone you meet with dignity. Love your spiritual family. Revere God. Respect the government. Who says the Bible isn't relevent??? Or timely??
Peace (& slow dancing) to all who read...
Monday, August 10, 2009
Gee...times flies when you are being Super Mom...
Not!
Time flies when the kids are out for summer and you want to make the most of your summer vacation. Isn't that what being a stay-at-home mom is about? Doesn't one choose this life so that they can make memories with their children? Keep them safe and be there to help them make better choices? At least that is what the surveys tell us. But I know some stay home because financially it makes more sense. Some folks make just enough to cover the child care costs and put a wee bit back in their pockets. It's those folks that have decisions to make. Is the extra cash worth it...
The kids and I have had a blast this summer! Six Flags, SeaWorld, the movies, the swimming pool... And I am exhausted! I thank God every morning that I have this chance. I have awesome children and we have so much fun together. The 4 of us could ride down the SeaWorld's Lazy River (and the Six Flags equivalent) all day just hanging on to each other's tubes and relaxing. How many other folks can say that they feel the closest to God at an amusement park???
I didn't mean for my blogging to go by the wayside.... In fact, I thought about it often. But I guess this gives those folks who were just reading and looking at the train wreck (i.e. Steve's cancer - he's fine now, thanks!) a chance to move on. And it you have had the patience to wait out my sabbatical and are still with me, I hope that you will hold me accountable for my thoughts and prayers.
My quiet time has not been the best this summer. I allowed my "busy" schedule with the kids get in the way. And the fact that have not been involved in a bible study this summer. But then my pastor preached on having a Twitter relationship with God and our lack of spending quality time with the one person many say is THE most important person in our lives. So, I started getting back up around 6am, fixed my coffee and sat in my chair with my Bible and started reading random books in the New Testament. The little ones - 1st & 2nd Thess., Philippians and the like. I am now on James. I joked in my SS class that I felt like I was going thru someone's mail! And dear Ms Lana said, "Exactly!" :-) These books have really spoken to me.
Especially now. Steve & I are at a crossroads. A career one... And we are both pretty much on the same page, but are we together on the RIGHT page. We both feel that our time on the road is coming to a close. Our kids are older and what we do now really affects them socially and even more importantly, scholastically. If we follow the AF we will be in and around the DC area next year. If the kids were younger, I think we would be okay with it. But neither of us has EVER wished to live there and after chatting with a number of folks that have "escaped" the area, I am even more convinced that it is not what our family needs. Right now, we are really being pulled to go back to Omaha - for many reasons, really. We also feel a pull back to Colorado Springs. Both assignments would have us going back to churches we loved, friends we loved, and the reality of a retirement job there. Omaha has one thing that C-Springs doesn't - closer proximity to family. But to go back to Omaha may be the nail in Steve's military coffin. Colorado Springs would keep that alive a while longer. My prayer for the last several weeks has been for God's will. Really. But my second prayer has been the desire of my heart - to settle down and put down roots...to retire. And my third prayer has been for it to be in Omaha. In that order.
And yesterday God gave my some scripture that has helped tremendously.
Matthew 6:34 "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." The Message He has used the Message translation many times to speak to me.
Steve is currently submitting a package to apply to be an AF ROTC Commander at a college. One of the colleges that should be available next summer is Univ. Of NE at Omaha. So many things and people that will be important in this process are people or things from Steve's past. He has so many connections to the process. It all looked too good to be true. And I prayed for clarity in all of this. Everyday there was something new... Just a few examples - Steve's former Group Commander has some type of leadership role in the ROTC selection process. The UNO det. mascot is the Wolfpack! Just like his current squadron. He knows the current commander of this ROTC det. To be selected as an ROTC commander there is some 'campaigning' to be done. And Steve has some wonderful people in his corner, so it has been hard not to get our hopes up. But then... Steve called the squadron to talk to the current commander - he was on leave. But his second in command mentioned something about the current commander extending his command by a year. Not good.
This is why the above mentioned scripture has become so important to me. I am so worried and worked up over all this when I can attest to personally witnessing God making changes for our good. I guess I just needed a reminder. Thanks for your reminder (and your patience with me), God.
Peace to all who read...
Time flies when the kids are out for summer and you want to make the most of your summer vacation. Isn't that what being a stay-at-home mom is about? Doesn't one choose this life so that they can make memories with their children? Keep them safe and be there to help them make better choices? At least that is what the surveys tell us. But I know some stay home because financially it makes more sense. Some folks make just enough to cover the child care costs and put a wee bit back in their pockets. It's those folks that have decisions to make. Is the extra cash worth it...
The kids and I have had a blast this summer! Six Flags, SeaWorld, the movies, the swimming pool... And I am exhausted! I thank God every morning that I have this chance. I have awesome children and we have so much fun together. The 4 of us could ride down the SeaWorld's Lazy River (and the Six Flags equivalent) all day just hanging on to each other's tubes and relaxing. How many other folks can say that they feel the closest to God at an amusement park???
I didn't mean for my blogging to go by the wayside.... In fact, I thought about it often. But I guess this gives those folks who were just reading and looking at the train wreck (i.e. Steve's cancer - he's fine now, thanks!) a chance to move on. And it you have had the patience to wait out my sabbatical and are still with me, I hope that you will hold me accountable for my thoughts and prayers.
My quiet time has not been the best this summer. I allowed my "busy" schedule with the kids get in the way. And the fact that have not been involved in a bible study this summer. But then my pastor preached on having a Twitter relationship with God and our lack of spending quality time with the one person many say is THE most important person in our lives. So, I started getting back up around 6am, fixed my coffee and sat in my chair with my Bible and started reading random books in the New Testament. The little ones - 1st & 2nd Thess., Philippians and the like. I am now on James. I joked in my SS class that I felt like I was going thru someone's mail! And dear Ms Lana said, "Exactly!" :-) These books have really spoken to me.
Especially now. Steve & I are at a crossroads. A career one... And we are both pretty much on the same page, but are we together on the RIGHT page. We both feel that our time on the road is coming to a close. Our kids are older and what we do now really affects them socially and even more importantly, scholastically. If we follow the AF we will be in and around the DC area next year. If the kids were younger, I think we would be okay with it. But neither of us has EVER wished to live there and after chatting with a number of folks that have "escaped" the area, I am even more convinced that it is not what our family needs. Right now, we are really being pulled to go back to Omaha - for many reasons, really. We also feel a pull back to Colorado Springs. Both assignments would have us going back to churches we loved, friends we loved, and the reality of a retirement job there. Omaha has one thing that C-Springs doesn't - closer proximity to family. But to go back to Omaha may be the nail in Steve's military coffin. Colorado Springs would keep that alive a while longer. My prayer for the last several weeks has been for God's will. Really. But my second prayer has been the desire of my heart - to settle down and put down roots...to retire. And my third prayer has been for it to be in Omaha. In that order.
And yesterday God gave my some scripture that has helped tremendously.
Matthew 6:34 "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes." The Message He has used the Message translation many times to speak to me.
Steve is currently submitting a package to apply to be an AF ROTC Commander at a college. One of the colleges that should be available next summer is Univ. Of NE at Omaha. So many things and people that will be important in this process are people or things from Steve's past. He has so many connections to the process. It all looked too good to be true. And I prayed for clarity in all of this. Everyday there was something new... Just a few examples - Steve's former Group Commander has some type of leadership role in the ROTC selection process. The UNO det. mascot is the Wolfpack! Just like his current squadron. He knows the current commander of this ROTC det. To be selected as an ROTC commander there is some 'campaigning' to be done. And Steve has some wonderful people in his corner, so it has been hard not to get our hopes up. But then... Steve called the squadron to talk to the current commander - he was on leave. But his second in command mentioned something about the current commander extending his command by a year. Not good.
This is why the above mentioned scripture has become so important to me. I am so worried and worked up over all this when I can attest to personally witnessing God making changes for our good. I guess I just needed a reminder. Thanks for your reminder (and your patience with me), God.
Peace to all who read...
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
I've been to the spiritual taxidermist!
Okay - before I go any further, I need to make sure that I give credit for that analogy to my current pastor David Trawick. When he preached on this on Sunday, at first I had the "deer in the headlights" look (no pun intended). But then, my eyes were opened to the concept. And maybe more so because it was as if he were speaking about me.
I have spent so much time praising God for all the good in our lives - the big and the small. Answered prayer for Steve's healing and close parking spots on a harried day. And I would actively engage God when all seemed lost. And I was struggling to keep my head about water... But I never lost sight of God and His place in my life. It seems the extremes can bring out the best in a Christian. God wants us to come to Him, to cling to Him. The first person that many music artists give credit to on an album or upon receiving an award is God (whether they are a person of faith or not - I guess it's their way of being PC enough to get record sales). And on the opposite side of that joy, most of us run to God when we are scared and hurting. Even those that have had little to do with God or little acknowledgement of His power will find themselves, even briefly asking God for help. Why? There has to be something inside that says just maybe He is who He says He is. If not, they would be crying out to Barack Obama or George Bush or Oprah or Martha Stewart or Billy Graham in prayer. In the dark of their bedroom. On their knees. Okay, how many of you have, in your darkness hour, have fallen to your knees, wept uncontrollably and cried out, "Oh Oprah! Help me! I don't know where to turn! I'm scared!"
So why have I been to the spiritual taxidermist? Because in all the scariness of the cancer, I was on my knees before God. And in all the joys of healing I have danced before God. But in the mundane I am still trying to do it all myself. Inside I am not allowing God to do His work. We are possibly nearing the end of Steve's military career and some choices are going to be made. Instead of praying God's Will in all of this (and you would think that after all that has happened to get us where we are right now, praying God's Will would be a no brainer), I am trying to make the decisions for the rest of our lives. I am ready to "plant flowers and paint walls" (that's my way of saying retirement). But I am not allowing God to work in this equation, knowing full well that any "flowers" He plants are going to be bigger and brighter and more beautiful than any thing I could ever hope to plant. And any "walls" He paints are going to be more spectacularly done and with more ease than I could ever hope for. But yet, there I am doing the work of worrying and manipulating, trying to work it all out the way I want. A while back, I hurt someone and in turn it hurt me terribly. I went to God immediately. And I went again and again - for weeks. Just when I would think that I had completely given to God and He forgave me for my actions, I would pull it back and stare at it and cry all over again. I am still doing it. Even today I have cried over it. And that is keeping me from being the person God would have me to be.
I have a necklace that has become as priceless as any rare jewel to me. It was given to me 2 days before Steve's surgery. It says "Let Go! Let God." It is priceless for a several reasons: 1. The giver took time out her extremely busy schedule to select (not grab off a rack) but carefully select this gift for me. I say that because the store she purchased it in is not a "grab & go" gift/jewelry store. 2. When the purchasing and giving could have been a short and sweet sentiment, she added yet another wonderful God moment - she took it to our pastor to have it prayed over before giving it to me. And it stayed around my neck 24/7 until we got the pathology report back. It was like a 24 hour hug. Oh, I still wear it! Just not 24/7 3. The giver's family has become a real blessing to our family - a ray of sunshine in our time in San Antonio. And 4. The message: Let Go! Let God. That is so very hard. To show my "spiritual taxidermist" side I say that I am "meditating" on it. But in all reality I am holding on to it. Not "Letting go and letting God." It's my crisis or my hurt or my problem! If I let go then I am not taking responsibility for any of it. Holding on shows that I am taking ownership of it. To let it go means I don't care. With all the "letting go" and "holding on" I have done lately, I should have awesome upper body strength and toned triceps. Uh, not so much.
On the outside, I "look" like a Christian. I dress like a Christian. I listen to Christian music. I read books like a Christian (my bible, Beth Moore and many Guidepost Series). But on the inside I am just a mold or a form to hold up the outside. Whether its plastic, stuffing or marshmallow fluff , I am (at times) filled with stuff that just holds my outsides together. And on that day that we stand before the Lord, we will shed our "outsides" and only our insides will be on display for all to see. Not sure I am up for that yet. I am certainly a work in progress...
Peace to all who read...
I have spent so much time praising God for all the good in our lives - the big and the small. Answered prayer for Steve's healing and close parking spots on a harried day. And I would actively engage God when all seemed lost. And I was struggling to keep my head about water... But I never lost sight of God and His place in my life. It seems the extremes can bring out the best in a Christian. God wants us to come to Him, to cling to Him. The first person that many music artists give credit to on an album or upon receiving an award is God (whether they are a person of faith or not - I guess it's their way of being PC enough to get record sales). And on the opposite side of that joy, most of us run to God when we are scared and hurting. Even those that have had little to do with God or little acknowledgement of His power will find themselves, even briefly asking God for help. Why? There has to be something inside that says just maybe He is who He says He is. If not, they would be crying out to Barack Obama or George Bush or Oprah or Martha Stewart or Billy Graham in prayer. In the dark of their bedroom. On their knees. Okay, how many of you have, in your darkness hour, have fallen to your knees, wept uncontrollably and cried out, "Oh Oprah! Help me! I don't know where to turn! I'm scared!"
So why have I been to the spiritual taxidermist? Because in all the scariness of the cancer, I was on my knees before God. And in all the joys of healing I have danced before God. But in the mundane I am still trying to do it all myself. Inside I am not allowing God to do His work. We are possibly nearing the end of Steve's military career and some choices are going to be made. Instead of praying God's Will in all of this (and you would think that after all that has happened to get us where we are right now, praying God's Will would be a no brainer), I am trying to make the decisions for the rest of our lives. I am ready to "plant flowers and paint walls" (that's my way of saying retirement). But I am not allowing God to work in this equation, knowing full well that any "flowers" He plants are going to be bigger and brighter and more beautiful than any thing I could ever hope to plant. And any "walls" He paints are going to be more spectacularly done and with more ease than I could ever hope for. But yet, there I am doing the work of worrying and manipulating, trying to work it all out the way I want. A while back, I hurt someone and in turn it hurt me terribly. I went to God immediately. And I went again and again - for weeks. Just when I would think that I had completely given to God and He forgave me for my actions, I would pull it back and stare at it and cry all over again. I am still doing it. Even today I have cried over it. And that is keeping me from being the person God would have me to be.
I have a necklace that has become as priceless as any rare jewel to me. It was given to me 2 days before Steve's surgery. It says "Let Go! Let God." It is priceless for a several reasons: 1. The giver took time out her extremely busy schedule to select (not grab off a rack) but carefully select this gift for me. I say that because the store she purchased it in is not a "grab & go" gift/jewelry store. 2. When the purchasing and giving could have been a short and sweet sentiment, she added yet another wonderful God moment - she took it to our pastor to have it prayed over before giving it to me. And it stayed around my neck 24/7 until we got the pathology report back. It was like a 24 hour hug. Oh, I still wear it! Just not 24/7 3. The giver's family has become a real blessing to our family - a ray of sunshine in our time in San Antonio. And 4. The message: Let Go! Let God. That is so very hard. To show my "spiritual taxidermist" side I say that I am "meditating" on it. But in all reality I am holding on to it. Not "Letting go and letting God." It's my crisis or my hurt or my problem! If I let go then I am not taking responsibility for any of it. Holding on shows that I am taking ownership of it. To let it go means I don't care. With all the "letting go" and "holding on" I have done lately, I should have awesome upper body strength and toned triceps. Uh, not so much.
On the outside, I "look" like a Christian. I dress like a Christian. I listen to Christian music. I read books like a Christian (my bible, Beth Moore and many Guidepost Series). But on the inside I am just a mold or a form to hold up the outside. Whether its plastic, stuffing or marshmallow fluff , I am (at times) filled with stuff that just holds my outsides together. And on that day that we stand before the Lord, we will shed our "outsides" and only our insides will be on display for all to see. Not sure I am up for that yet. I am certainly a work in progress...
Peace to all who read...
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