Hindsight is 20/20

But Spiritual hindsight is 20/10! Our path to this point in our lives could not be more crystal clear. Wow! God's timing is more than perfect. And He does have it all planned out. And He is good ALL the time.

Our Journey begins about a year and half ago.

Steve (having made the first cut for the VE board - the Space career field Squadron Commander's selection) got the call from his boss that he had been selected for a command job at a space squadron (somewhere other than where we are now). The list was not officially out, but we trusted in the fact that this 2 star equiv was going on good authority to share this info. He was given this info from someone higher ranking than himself. Who knew that someone even "higher ranking" than that had other plans. On Friday before the release of the list on Tuesday, Steve's name was still on the list. On Monday afternoon, he was not. Several jobs and selections had been moved around, but Steve was the only one not on the list that was on there on Friday. Why? Squadron Command was all Steve wanted. Anything beyond that would have been gravy. And there was some other factors too that made this even harder to swallow, but let's just agree that we felt like we had been given the shaft. Try and we might, we tried to live out Jeremiah 29:11, but our praises to God for His perfect plan were probably hollow. Eventually we were able to let it go and move on. All this time, though, we knew his name had been placed in the Recruiting/Training Command hat. And in January of 2008 we got the OFFICIAL notification that he had been selected for the 331st TRS. No taking this back. We saw the announcement! We were headed to Lackland AFB in San Antonio, TX. Never in a million years would we have thought we would be in San Antonio. Just never on the radar for us. Because Steve's dream of squadron command was coming true, we "gave God the praise" for fulfilling our plans. It seems so easy to praise God when good things are happening. Now fast forward to January 2009. It's 3 days into the new year. Grandma Gibson is on life support in a hospital in TN. We are mentally planning for that "unplanned" trip to TN in the very near future. So, Steve decides that he better get on the roof and take down the Christmas lights or they may be up until Valentine's Day. While coming down from the second floor roof to the first floor roof, the ladder slips. He falls. Upon initial physical inspection, he is sore, but can continue taking down the last few lights. He later "motrins up" and chalks it up to stupidity or something like it. A few days later, Grandma dies and we head to TN for the funeral. After we return from TN, Steve decides to go to the Dr. because his ribs just aren't getting any better. They x-ray him and find 2 broke ribs. And...something they can't identify. Let's do a CT scan. Now they see 3 broke ribs and "something they can't identify." Okay, let's repeat the scan in a few weeks to see if that "something" goes away. Three weeks later - it's still there. Time for a bronchoscopy and a needle biopsy. And that puts us in Dr. V's office at 11:15 yesterday morning. It is not the answer we had hoped for. But it is the journey God has placed us on. And it is completely the reason we are where we are. Had he not fallen off the roof, they would have NEVER found it - until it was too late. The Doc said that himself. And we are in an area where we are getting very expedited medical care - not because of a need for urgency, but because they know that is what we want. Had we been anywhere else, we might still be waiting to see a civilian pulmonologist and now we are scheduled to see a chest surgeon on Monday! God is good all the time. We are truly believe this. They are not hollow and empty praises.
A lot of my quiet time happens on the road on Thursday and Friday mornings when I am heading to the base for the Airman's Run and BMT Graduation. Well, yesterday when I was headed to graduation, I was having my usual dialogue with God. Okay - if you know me, I am doing most of the talking, but I am fleshing out things that confuse me and things that keep me from fully relying on God. I know He works through that for me. He has to. And when I talk to Him, I might have one of my "Out of the mouth of blondes" moments. Have you ever had someone plan a surprise for you? You know, one of those times, when you knew they were doing something for you, something wonderful, but you did not know the details? My most wonderful hubby has done that for me a number of times. And I always think that maybe I know just little better what would make his plan go smoothly for me. If only he would give me a few of the details so that I could "help" him do the best for me. That is what I do with God. I know He only has wonderful plans for me and my family, but if only He would open up a little about the details so that I could "help" Him get it right and make it go more smoothly. Is that funny or what?
There is so much more about His messages of hope for me, but I will save that for another post. And those have been pretty cool too. But it's late - or early depending on how you look at it.
For those of you who I am friends with on Facebook, I will not be post "details" too much on there. It's not that we are hiding anything. We just don't think that Facebook is the venue for disclosing all of that. Feel free to ask! Send me an e-mail! We will keep you up to date on everything. But if we could, we would like to keep phone calls to a minimum when the kids are home. They know what is going on, but we need to keep things normal for their sakes and always being on the phone rehashing out all that we are going through is not good for them.

Cue the "Indiana Jones" theme music - and so the journey continues!

Peace to all who read...

To keep myself accountable...

Have not posted in a couple of days...

Had the needle biopsy on Wednesday. Went well. Have appointment at 11:15 this morning to get results (or lack of results).

I am not posting too much today and it may be a few days or a week before I post again. My blog is not a "newspaper" to broadcast every movement in our lives. It has become my quiet time with God. That is not to say that I don't want anybody reading because it's personal. I just don't have the same relationships here to talk about what is going on in my life and typing it out seems to help. And the comments I get help give me clarity at times when I need it.

I don't make it a habit of getting on and blogging everyday (I guess that is kind of obvious). I usually blog in the quiet of the morning when the kiddos are at school. Well, today is Friday and the kids start Spring Break on Monday. No "quiet of the morning" in my foreseeable future. :-) .

But I did want to post about something (quickly) so that I will expand more on it later - for my own benefit. A dear friend in Omaha said I needed to write it all down and I will. God has really been speaking to me through all of this. There have been more little messages from God that I can count. And one has lead to another, which lead to another, and on and on. You get the picture. I need to journal this adventure with God. And I will. It has been a journey of hope. And to be honest, I did not want to believe it. But I post this now, because I don't want to discount what has happened or erase from my memory what has happened if the answers we get today are not what we hoped for. God is good ALL the time.

My prayer for today is for an answer.

Peace to all who read...

God makes me laugh...sometimes.

The visit with the doc went just as planned. Needle biopsy on Wednesday, shouldn't take long, hopefully we will have results by the following Tuesday. When the doc looked at Steve's CT scan he said that if had no history on Steve what so ever and was looking at the scans "cold" he would have diagnoise pneumonia - without question. That makes me feel better. Every opinion says that they really don't think it is cancer, but it is not normal. But unfortunately that is what they are always looking for. Doesn't make the waiting any easier.

So, why does God make me laugh sometimes? Well, actually he makes me laugh...a lot...at myself. But right now, I am not finding a whole to laugh about. What was different today? Well, with all this going on, I completely lost track of time. I am doing Beth Moore's Scripture memory challenge this year (you memorize a new verse every 2 weeks - the 1st and 15th of every month). Well, the 1st came and went. As did the 2nd! She tells you to find a verse that really speaks to you, to where you are or what you are going through. So this morning I got on line with Biblegateway.com to look up scripture with the word fear in it. I had an idea of a scripture (something about God not giving us a spirit of fear...) but I could not find what I was looking for. So, I grab a set of cards that a dear friend mailed me a few months back (little plastic holder with verses & topics on them. So, I thought, "Just grab and start looking, surely you will find something to memorize." I didn't care at this point what it was. Just wanted to keep up my end of the challenge. Not the right attitude, but it was all I had this morning. Well the card on top was my verse from the last 2 weeks (Jeremiah 29:11). The next card I grabbed was my verse from 6 weeks ago (Romans 14:19). Then it happened. I cried and I laughed. Then I cried a lot more. The next card I grabbed out of desperation read this: Psalm 34:4 "I sought the Lord, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears." God Wins!!! Again and always. 'Nuf said.

Peace to all who read...

It's hard to keep my focus...

Oh to have a "normal" day. To get up, send my family off happily to their appointed tasks for the day, come home have dinner together, play, go to bed and wake up and do it all over again. Mundane has never looked so good.
What a roller coaster this past week and month have been. The hubby had the bronchoscopy on Wednesday - went beautifully. Now we wait. Doc is hopeful that is nothing more than inflammation, but the test results could still come back inconclusive, thereby indicating more tests. So Friday afternoon I leave the house to go with our daughter to a youth event called Acquire the Fire (a Ron Luce ministry). I call my hubby to see if he has successfully gotten to his dinner. No he hasn't yet- doc has called. Tests were inconclusive. He needs a needle biopsy. My heart sank. There I was in a van full of young girls (our daughter one of them) laughing and giggling as we headed to weekend of fun...for them. I was sick. I wanted to throw up right on the spot. But I couldn't. I could not let on to my precious daughter that there MIGHT be a problem with Daddy. How could I? So I sucked it all in, called a very close friend and shared with her - I had to talk to someone. And motored on.
Now, let me clarify - these results are not necessarily bad. That are what they are - inconclusive. There are a few more tests still out there that could come back with the results that we are looking for. It may be that the sample was too small and a needle biopsy will get a better sample. It may just be that I am Chicken Little and I immediately see that sky falling. But that is who I am.
So I go to this event with the intent of having some good quality mother/daughter time. You can never have too much of that. And with my daughter bordering on being a teenager, I don't want to let anything slip through the cracks. She is an awesome kid and an even better daughter. But I have so many folks try to squelch that with, "Just wait until they are _____ (fill in what ever age you see fit)." She is truly a great kid and a wonderful Christian young lady. I am so proud to be her mom. Immediately I recognize that Satan is trying to take that away. This was my weekend with her! She invited me to go with her. She WANTED to spend it with me! And I was letting a might be/could be/ but not definitely situation rob me of it. I wanted to see my husband. I wanted to hug him and hold him and have him tell me everything would be alright. That was the center of my thinking all that evening. And so Satan won my Friday night. I knew it. It broke my heart. I got home, fell into Steve's arms, cried and went to bed. What happened to this being the best 2 years of our lives? (That's what they tell you when you take squadron command).
Saturday was a fresh new day. It came early. We had to be at the church by 7 am. But some how, something was different. I was able to focus. I was able to hear God a little better. Oh, don't get me wrong. Satan still made his presence very clear. But God was clearer. And He was never more clear than when my beautiful daughter and I were finishing up dinner at Whataburger. We were gathering our things and she turned and said, "Thank you." I, of course, responded and she said," Not for the event, or then tote bag or the dinner and ice cream, but for being my mom." I was speechless. God Wins!!!! Big time!!! That was what the weekend was all about.
Now, it's Monday. And I am praying the Message version on Jeremiah 29:11: "I know what I am doing. I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." So, is that why Steve fell off the roof 2 months ago? So that we could find the spot? Is that why we got an assignment to San Antonio because they have such a large military medical facility that can handle practically anything? And when you are active duty, you don't have to wait around on paper work? God knows what he is doing. And he is going to take of us. He is not going to abandon us.
Steve got a call to come in at 2 so they can discuss the needle biopsy procedure. I think I need to be there with him - even though he said I didn't.

Peace to all who read...

Been gone too long...

Wow, has it really been over 3 weeks since I last blogger? A lot has happened and nothing has happened.

By nothing, I mean that we motor along as usual - scouts, church, going to the gym - you know, the usual. None of that has changed. Routine is good. At least for me. I have always been a creature of habit.

By a lot, I mean we are getting me an iPhone, my husband had a brochoscopy to biopsy a mass in his lung, a loved one is sturggling with some "professional" issues and our van needed some major $$ repair. All of these have kept us feeling like we live in the shadow of doom - when would the next disaster befall us... Fortunately, my Esther study addressed just that issue this week. God does not want us to live in a state of fear. Satan, on the other hand, does. Some days Satan is the winner. Some days, God.

Like when I talk to my husband on the phone from work and he tells me what a rotten day he is having. Then he sees he has a message - it must be the doctor, finally some good news, he needs it. Nope - the mass needs to be biopsied. Satan wins.

Just get off the phone with hubby and his lousy day and his negative doctor's report and I get an e-mail from the Alabama Depart of Public Safety - They are going to renew my driver's license!!!! God wins.

Let me change that. God ALWAYS wins. I guess I just allow Satan to get in my line of sight and all I see is him some days.

Kids are great! Still hating the TAKS test. Nothing new there. Loving my husband more than ever - if that is possible. And finally making some wonderful "connections" outside the military. We have really needed this. We only connect in a new community when we make "non-military" friends. And if they read this: Thanks for making us smile! We love our military friends, but they are as transient as we are. We need to connect to roots. Thank you Stacey & Paul, Amber & Craig, and John & Shelli for being our roots in Nebraska.

Peace to all who read...

Just not feeling if for Kathy & Dee...

Am supposed to be at bible study right now, but I'm not. Just not getting in to it. Kathy Troccoli (sp?) and Dee Brestin seem nice enough & knowledgeable enough. but I find myself dreading the study. I don't want to do the homework memorize the verses or even go. This is not by any means an editorial of the study. I once felt this way about the first Beth Moore Study I did. I hated it. I think it is just not my time to do this particular study. I ended up redoing the Beth Moore Study I hated and LOVED it! Go figure. And tonight, I am starting the new Esther - Beth study. Maybe I am just not capable of giving my all to two very intense studies. I just know that it felt right to stay home.
Am lifting someone or some family up in prayer right now. But I don't know who. I was on my way home from dropping my oldest off at a bible study at school this morning just before 7:30am. When I came around the corner to head toward our neighborhood I saw HUGE bellowing black smoke just starting up in the sky. Immediately I started think house or brush fire. So, I pulled into our neighborhood and headed toward the smoke (which was now worse) and followed it to the back entrance to our subdivision and saw a small red sports car engulfed completely in flames! I got out and joined some of the neighbors near by and watched as this car became nothing but ash. If the person driving did not get out immediately, then they did not survive. There was NO WAY. No one waiting there with me actually saw if happen. So no one was there to see anyone run away from the vehicle. I pray that the driver had the presence of mind to get out. If not, I lift up a family that suffered a tragic loss today. Apparently folks of all ages drive very fast on the street where this happened. And my guess is that it was a teenager headed to the high school. I have never seen anything like it.
I am starting a new running program. It will help train me to run 10K. I am getting very frustrated with my progress or lack there of. And my weight. Some of my friends laugh (and some times glare) at me when I complain about my weight. I know that I am not a big person anymore. But that is just it. When you were a big person for so long: 1. Sometimes you have a hard time ever seeing yourself any different. I still think I look bigger than I am. 2. I have gained some weight since my big weight loss and some of my clothes are actually tight. I wish I viewed things differently, but I don't. I wish I had self control when it comes to food I like, but I don't. So I live on a constant diet so as not to go back to what I was. Back to my running program. It is an 8 week program and seems very doable. I guess the proof is in the pudding - oops a food analogy! See, i can't get away from it...ugh!!!! :-)


Peace to all who read.

Hormones & TAKS tests...

I just sat at the computer a couple of hours ago and composed a scathing e-mail to my son's teacher about all this TAKS test crap. Then, I took a deep breath, looked at my words (or at least my intent) and deleted large portions of it and then rewrote and sent it. I am currently very hormonal and tend to go off the deep end when I am. So, as much as I wanted to say all the stuff I said, I know that some (if not all) was hormone driven. And nobody should have to deal with that.

What is the TAKS test you might ask? Well, from all the info I can gather, it is a (can't think of the correct wording here - another problem with my hormones) test given state wide in Texas to all public school students. In Nebraska we had the Terra Nova. Every year starting in 2nd or 3rd grade, kiddos would take this standardized test for their grade level. The week before the test, we were notified that the test was being given and to make sure our children would be at school. The only "prep" per se was to make sure they had a good breakfast every morning of the test. After the test was done we would see the results at the next parent/teacher conference. The results were discussed and we moved on. The results and testing were for our individual needs - not the school's. Not here. Our testing starts here in March, but the prep work for these tests started right after school began. They immediately identify the kids who don't meet TAKS standards and start tutoring them after school. The concepts that they teach in these tests are burned in to these children from the moment they can hold a pencil. They refer to these concepts as "strategies." I have looked them and I don't disagree with the idea. I think it does help kids process information and answer questions correctly. My problem is that when you are new to the school system (and the concept), you are unfairly targeted. Oh, did I forget to mention that these tests results are the way that a school as a whole is graded??? They spend too much time teaching the test that they miss out on teaching so much else. My middle child struggles in school - always has. But do you think he is getting the help he needs in those specific struggles - No. Not unless there is some TAKS prep test that will help. Over all, he is a strong B student. And his regular grades are fine, but if you listen to his teachers (concerning TAKS stuff), he is really having problems scholastically. It seems the majority of what they do involves the TAKS process. If they have stories to read, they questions answered using the strategies. And if they fail to use the strategies (even if the answer is right), they take credit away and make them practice more.
This is not a "this school is wrong and my child is perfect" rant. My whole family is far from perfect, and my middle child has always struggled with scholastic endeavors. School does not come easy for him like it does for his siblings (it did not for me either). But to be struggling with school to begin with and then have some new concepts thrown at you that are specific to this school system and told that you will fail a grade level should you not master these things is more than just a little upsetting. It seems he can never get a break. He will come home do his normal homework and then we have to work on TAKS prep. All while his sister & brother are outside playing. So, now we have 4 years of TAKS practice to make up for at home. Gee, sure is going to be fun around here. Oh and that "fail a grade" statement I made a minute ago....In 5th grade if you fail the TAKS test, you will not be promoted to the 6th grade.
I so wish were back in the Nebraska school system. I felt like we had come so far with our middle child. Now I feel like we are back to square one. Ugh!!!!
On a more positive note - I will be starting a new Beth Moore study on Wednesday night!! I am so excited!!!! She really inspires me. I am glad God has placed her in my path.

Peace to all who read.